I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
