Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
