who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
