The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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