I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
