hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
