hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
