I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
