apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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