oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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