Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
