so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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