I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
