you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
