How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
