we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
