So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
