a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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