i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
