Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize