i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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