just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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