I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Shame - the story of my life.
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