wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
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she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
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Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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