I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
