Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
