it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
