The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
