guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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