No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
