So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
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how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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