All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
