I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
