trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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