girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
