best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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