i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
