We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
