He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He? As in you personified your dick?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
