Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
