He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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