You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Your penis caused this!
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