that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
