I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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