It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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