Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
