Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
