YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Barsexuality is the new black.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
