I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
