Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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