The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
North Korea, Best Korea!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
