This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
