I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
