32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
