I hope mine doesn't look like that
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
