Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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