sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
