We're facebook friends in real life
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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