PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
