I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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