Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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