I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
